Neil Berliner Comedy https://validator.w3.org/feed/docs/rss2.html If there’s anything I miss about old New York its the “No Spitting” signs in the subway. Home I’m in a band. The Beatless. Comedy Writing Services About Neil Photo Gallery To avoid skin cancer, I use SPF 3194. (That’s my address. I stay in the house.) I stole one of your jokes. Petty larceny. So I know some guy who doesn’t have a podcast. No, really; I’m serious. You’re entitled to my opinion. I’m gonna name my new comedy album, “My Balls”. So I can say “My Balls” drops soon. Pick up “My Balls” everywhere! January 31st I’m the lightest I’ve been in a year… 154 down from 177. To the comedy world, I’ve always been a lightweight! I suffer from “A fib”. In layman’s terms, I told a lie. I want TV commercials that use real actors, not people. Jobs… I’m so bored, I’m hoping that Jehovah’s Witnesses knock on my door so we can discuss their pamphlets. Twenty years ago my goal was to visit every MLB ballpark. Now my goal is to try every acid reflux medication. Sports My punch lines use the element of surprise. Like, “Surprise, Neil! Nobody’s laughing!” This Just In: The pope has died at 81… kids molested. My favorite director is M. Night Shameonhim. My second favorite actor is Edward James Almost. I’ve done stand up in three states: depressed, very depressed, and New Jersey. How come when I front money for a project they call me a backer? Gigs / Upcoming Appearances While I play my guitar, the AUDIENCE gently weeps! Christmas January 18th I’ve decided to use a stage name. From now on, please refer to me as, “The Stage of the World Famous Radio City Musical Hall, Home of the Rockettes”. Yogi Berra January 15th Ha Ha History Joke Book My agent just told me to gain sixty five pounds and get psoriasis for a pharmaceutical commercial audition. January 20th Favorite Rapper Firehouse Humor I’m scared that I might develop a phobia. Touring Comic Upscale Restaurants Life Hack: But enough about my career. One-Liner Thursday January 13th January 11th Weed November 15 is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day! “Unidentified Rotting Object!” January 21st “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” is when they finally stop playing “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”. November 17 is World Philosophy Day! “Does it exist?” November 7 is Notary Public Day! “We certify it!” I took an antibiotic with my probiotic and now I don’t feel biotic at all.